Moving On When You Don’t Get Closure

It’s a real struggle to move on when you don’t get an apology or even recognition for what was done to you. You are left to deal with grief, anger, and sadness on your own, without any consolation.

This is the hardest forgiveness to find because often the person does not deserve your kindness. Yet, only you suffer from holding onto negative emotions, while your perpetrator is hardly affected and most likely does not even care.

And so, you end up repeating the cycle of unfairness or injustice to yourself.

A big part of this issue is that traditionally ‘forgiveness’ has required repairing the relationship or reaching a resolution. This heavy concept comes from biblical and religious concepts, but this is impossible when the other person refuses to take accountability.

This reveals a big flaw in ‘forgiveness.’ Are you just meant to suffer forever? This is why we need to change ‘forgiveness’ for ‘acceptance’.

You do not need to forgive that it was ok. All you need is to accept that it happened.

We cannot change the past or control injustices. The only thing we control is how it affects us and how we move forward. This is what it means to not merely survive but to thrive.

The biggest challenge with letting go is the grief, loss, and discomfort you have to endure before your life readjusts and starts to look better. Most people think the ‘act’ is the hardest part to get over, but often it’s the recovery stage where they get stuck. Some people stay in this stage for years unable to move forward.

Holding on happens in so many forms:

  • Playing out different scenarios of ‘how it could have been different’
  • Rehashing the arguments and pain
  • Holding onto anger over the injustices you encountered
  • Thinking about the good times
  • Stalking on social media

The problem is: all of these things involve staying in the past. This itself can become a new comfort zone and a toxic cycle that stops people moving forward. The truth is, though, this is usually driven by a fear of finally closing a chapter and stepping into a new life.

This week, ask yourself:

  • Am I not letting go because I’m sad to say goodbye forever?
  • Am I scared to step into a bigger, new me?
  • Am I struggling to resolve my anger or step out of victim mentality?

Forgiveness doesn’t have to mean that you accept what happened was ok. You only need to accept that it happened. Because when you don’t let go, only you suffer. But this time, you are responsible.

When you finally cut off all that extra burden and weight, you will quickly see how fast you start to soar.

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